Riding Journal part 1

I'm taking horseback riding lessons this summer. My teacher told me to keep a journal. I keep forgetting to buy a notebook so i'm going to write on here. You can choose to read it or not but it's mostly for me.

First let me explain that while I feel a little selfish taking these horsemanship lessons I know it's something I need to do. I have always felt drawn to horses but the opportunities to be around them have been few and far between. I've also kind of been fighting it. I thought I would grow out of it or forget about wanting to work with horses but I never have. The moment I decided to sign up I felt peace. Not an overwhelming peace but a calm sense of being ok with myself for the first time in years and years. Like after acknowledging this part of me, other parts of me fell into place, too. I'm eager to learn... I feel like I'm behind 20 years! I also felt like official lessons were the best place to start.

Yesterday was my 5th lesson. Boy it was neat! Marlene had me on bareback again and she wanted me to lope. I loped bareback last week but i fell off and she didn't have her camera. So I warmed up the horse on the ground. I love this part. I always wondered what cowboys on the shows were doing in the roundpin. I feel like i really get to understand the horse and their responses. I'm still not very good at it, though. Then she said can you jump on the horse and I said "probably" so I did. She was so impressed. Can't everyone do that? she said none of her other students can (though most of them are quite young and subsequently short).

Walk, trot, turn around. Still in the roundpin. I couldn't get him to lope by myself so Marlene said she would control his speed and I just work on me (the horse already knows how to do all this. Poor creature has to walk around while I figure him out) It took a while as I kept losing control of my balance.

She said she works me harder than any of her other students and never does this by the fifth lesson. I said "cool" and I meant it. There's so much I don't know that I don't even know what I'm supposed to know or what level other students are at but I know I want to be pushed and learn as much as I can.

The horse kept slowing down when my balance goes askew. He was taking care of me. Good horse. Finally... magic! two times loping around the roundpin and she slowed him down. It was amazing to feel the horse move like that and move with him and not fall off! You just can't feel that in a saddle! I was in heaven with a big grin on my face. Marlene was so happy and said none of her other students can do that. Her Son in Law got pictures so I'll post those soon after I steel them from her blog.

Well, now what?

Now it's over. I have mixed feelings. It was such a blessing to be able to work but have my baby with me all winter. He loved playing with the kids. I'm excited to just get to be a mom and wife all summer. I feel like I get to try it on for size. The only time I've been a stay at home mom was the first few months of Rocky's life and I was sooo tired I could hardly function (yes, for three months. How can real maternity leave be only 6 weeks?!) I'm looking forward to keeping my house clean(er) cooking things that take longer than 20 minutes, and getting started on Rockwell's scrapbook. But now this Blog is in limbo. I need a new name for it. Any suggestions?

Just Another Reason

The first six months of babysitting the kids adored Rockwell. He was he sweet baby that I carried around all day while I fixed their lunches and tied their shoes. They could look at him and smile at him but he didn't disrupt their lives too much. A few months ago as he started to become mobile he began to fill the roll of "the annoying little brother". Little Sister doesn't like to share attention, toys, air. Is this a two year old thing or baby of the family thing? Well she hits him, pushes him, yells at him, and shakes her finger at him. Boy! It makes my blood boil! I don't care how old she is or isn't, she just hit my baby! She just made my baby cry! I attempt to control my rush of maternal instincts as I try not to throw her from the top of the stairs into her bed for a time out- a time out that somehow doesn't seem harsh enough. I won't miss this this summer. Not. One. Bit.

One....more.... week....

The multiple periods in the title in between words can be read as gasping breaths, such as one who is at the end of the marathon, crawling on hands and knees sucking huge gulps of air as they crawl to the finish line that is finally in sight. That is what I feel like. I'm convinced the first two weeks and the last two weeks of a job are the hardest. My brain can't take it anymore! I confess my temper is somewhat shorter than previously and my patience is wearing thin. I want summer!!!

As I look back I would like to share with you, my dear hypothetical readers, some insights I have gained over the past nine months. Keep in mind that at times I literally felt like i had three kids so the insights are somewhat maternal. Here goes....

1- Pre-emptive strikes are wonderful and necessary when getting through the day with children. Strikes such as "If you hit him you will get a time out" or "don't ride that stroller down the staircase" or especially "leave your clothes on!". Such things prevent more work and frustration in the long run.

2- Two choices. Stick to them. "you can have noodles or a sandwich for lunch" if they want mac and cheese and you don't feel like making mac and cheese, this helps chase thoughts of it from their minds.

3- kids sure are perseverant. When they say things like "can I have ice cream" and they haven't even had breakfast yet so of course you say no, they keep asking. I don't know what good they think it's going to do. I personally took the route of repeating myself only twice and then ignoring them. And then ignoring the tantrum to follow. It's rough but man! I hate repeating myself.

4- One more thought... I don't know if it takes more energy to yell and scream or to keep calm. I appreciate that I had the opportunity to practice dealing with different situations calmly. Sometimes I was successful and sometimes I wasn't. I liked that I got to practice the advice i found in my Parenting magazine and find out some of the things that work for me and things that don't. I honestly feel more prepared (though I hardly believe you can ever be fully prepared for what life throws your way) for my own kids and how I want to treat and act towards them.

Thank You

Today I am grateful for all those wonderful women who I think are wonderful mothers for admitting to me ( on their blog or otherwise) that they don't always handle situations as they think they should. I take comfort knowing that they, too, have had days like mine today and I don't feel so alone.

The Home Stretch

Well, exactly two more weeks here and my services will no longer be needed du to the fact that school will be let out for the summer and both Mom and Dad are teachers. It's really kind of bitter sweet. Mostly sweet. We've really fallen into a comfortable routine. Little sister even treats my baby as though he were her annoying little brother now that he can crawl and get into her things. Seriously, this morning he was playing with a basketball that she has never cared for or touched, but as soon as he wanted it, it suddenly became her prized possession. She bosses him around and shakes her finger at him and tells him "no" and shuts him out of the kitchen. She jus let's that adult-sized personality shine through. The Captain is so sweet to my baby and to Little Sister.this morning he even picked out her clothes and helped her get dressed.
I am looking forward to summer and to just being a mom and taking care of my baby and husband. Come fall I will be working at an elementary school part time as a paraeducator. I'm excited because it will be part time and wont be babysitting. As for the future of this blog, I will update it one or two more times then change he name and make it into a more general thoughts and feelers and all sorts if stuff probably no one wants to read kind of blog but I will be fun to express myself.
If you get a moment, please refer to the list of books I read these last nine months. I must say I'm pretty proud of that list

Realizing Mom

I remember when I realized my mom didn't really cook for us kids. I was probably in my late teens. I realized she cooked for my dad and made enough for the rear of us. I was so disappointed. Now I make lunch for two kids each day and you know what? It's way more fun to cook for Troy, who appreciates the rosemary I put in my homemade spaghetti sauce than it is to cook for he kids who would rather eat the cheap stuff from the can nuked in the microwave. Or hot dogs.

I remember (Again I think I was in my late teens) when it dawned on me that my mom has a sense of humor. I feel bad it took me so long. Today after I repeated more straight-faced tight-lipped requests because asking nicely wasn't getting anywhere ( I really rarely yell, if ever) and I felt my face turning into stone I wondered if my kids would ever know I have a sense of humor (albeit a dry one)

Today I thought of how great my mom is for staying home with us, bored and lonely as she was, as I sat babysitting five extra kids ( Mom has six) while tending to my own feverish child all day. Bored, stranded, and lonely.

I think I might be finally growing up

This Morning

You know when an old person is talking at you and they take ages to get to their point and when they do they just start repeating themselves? And you want to be polite so you smile and nod while really planning your escape route in your head? If you do know what this is like, then you know what it was like listening to Captain Awesome this morning.

Rough Day

The last few weeks have gone really smoothly in our little world of babysittingness. We've fallen into a comfortable yet loose routine and started to grow easy with each other. Most days are quiet and relatively uneventful (hence the lack of posting). But Thursday-Thursday was a toughy.
It didn't help that I woke up tired and not so thrilled to spend my day stranded at someone else's house watching their kids and all I wanted to do was clean my own house and sleep. It didn't help that when I got there the Captain was screaming at Mom that he didn't want me there, it didn't help but so it began.
Little sister slept in, which isn't completely unusual and she woke up fairly happy despite her eye being half glued shut by the eye-boogie bug she caught from her older brother and The Captain did calm down once Mom left for work. I put Baby down for a nap and we had a pretty quiet morning. Soon, though, LS started to get grumpy. Since it was her normal nap time I carried her down to her bed. Five minutes later she was climbing back up the stairs, still grumpy. I put her in her bed again, the words of the experts from my parenting magazine repeating in my head ("don't talk to them, don't make a big deal out of it, just repeat the routine and put them back in their bed, soon they'll realize they're not getting the attention they want and go to sleep" or something like that). I think she just settled down when Captain Awesome's movie got over and when I said it wasn't quite time for lunch but almost because his movie was short, he gave me that you-are-my-worst-enemy look and started in on the I-don't-like-you tantrum so I said "go to your room until you calm down and we can talk". Yes. I said this. I was quite proud of my self for not screaming, yelling, or demanding this. So down he goes to the room he and his little sister share, yelling, banging the door, crying, etc. Baby woke up. Little sister climbed back up the stairs.
When he finally decided to calm down he also came upstairs and we (they) had some lunch. It was pretty apparent Little sister wasn't going to have a nap and wasn't feeling well. I called Mom to see if I could give her something so she would at least feel well enough to relax and take a nap. Meanwhile Clyde came over and him and Captain were playing Wii. An hour later I was trying to feed Baby, get Little Sister to at least watch a movie (STILL no nap), my niece was over and I was trying to get her down for a nap without distracting Little Sister (they are besties) and feed Baby. I got two out of three. LS wouldn't even settle down to watch a movie and was complaining that her ear was hurting.
Finally I decided it was bad enough to interrupt Mom's work. I called her again and she came to take her to the doctor. Soon she leaves all of a sudden Captain is DONE putting up with Clyde. Again I send him to his room... more I-don't-like-you's more door slamming more waking up of sleeping children.
Well, to wrap up a very long post after a short time the Captain came up from his room and asked if he could go to Clyde's house to apologize. How sweet is that? Mom and LS came home from the doctor with a reported DOUBLE ear infection (explaining the screaming and crying) and I got to go home a blissful half hour early. Mercifully Baby went to sleep soon after we got home and I also took a MUCH needed nap.

Winter Blues

Little Sister has been a whiney-face terror ALL WEEK (monday through wednesday). I could hardly stand her. I think one in every 10 sentences she didn't use a whiney voice. I thought she'd be fine after a nap. Each day she had a long nap and she'd get up from her bed and just whine all they way upstairs. Hungry? She seemed better a few minutes after I fed her, but not much longer than that. What was I supposed to do with this girl?
Today there was no change in the morning and I'd about had enough. Well in the middle of the day we got to drop Captain Awesome off at preschool at the college. Troy needed the car but didn't get out of class until a half hour after we needed to be there, so we decided to take a walk (I was trying to catch Troy in his class across campus-no luck) I didn't bring the stroller and it was a pretty nice day, so I carried Baby and Little Sister "walked". More like she jumped in the snow, ran ahead, ran back to me, climbed loads of stairs, rolled on the linoleum, and got many googley looks from all the college girls. She was really quite well behaved.
The really amazing thing happened when we got home. She was not back to her usual self.... she was better! She was bopping around, playing, laughing, and doing anything to make me and Rockwell laugh. She was such a ham! It never occurred to me that all she needed some good old fashioned fresh air. Well, now I know.

A Discussion of Olefactory

Its no secret hat I dread changing Little Sister's stinky diapers. It's the worst part of the day and it occurs up to three times in one 8-hour day. One big reason I loathe this opportunity is because of the perfumed wipes in the unmarked containers I have the privilege of using. I always wondered why Mom bought such foul smelling wipes then today I saw the package they came in and there was the answer: Shea butter.
I remember when Shea butter started hitting the shelves. You could hardly buy lotion with it. They pasted the name all over their lotion bottles, even mixing it with other scents like coconut. Everyone oohed and aawed over it while I eewed and gagged and wondered what the big deal was ( note: I don't know maybe it just doesn't mix with my skin?)
Anyways for you oohers and aahers now picture your beloved scent mingled with baby poop scent (honestly, are scented wipes supposed to mask the scent? Because it just mixes) in one horrific combination. Not exactly coconuty is it? That is whT I put up with every day becaus the only thing worse than the smells of baby poop or Shea butter is the two combined. Why, Mom? Why?

Winter fun

(read to the primary tune:)Oh what do you do in the wintertime when all the world is bleak? ( end singing) I have a confession... I let them so something I'm not sure their parents do. Yes , the terrible babysitter that I am, I let them play with he couch cushions. Forts, cushion fights, beds, towers, jumping on and off. And I will tell you, it's a fantastic form of exercise for the little guys to lug these large pillows around. It entertains them for hours. To tell the truth I'm quite short on creative ideas for exercise ( ACSM recommends 60 minutes a day for children) and at this point in the winter the snow is all crusty and dirty, the magic has worn off, and it's too cold for them to be outside very long (I'm not as defensive as I sound. I'm all for playing outside most days, but I can hardly force them outside like I do when it's warm) So they play and at the end of the day the happy, healthy children put the cushions neatly back on the couch (Emphasis on happy)